we can't just pretend that nothing happened
by simply-aly
Summary: After the 100 are released from Mount Weather and reunite with their missing members Clarke tries to hide a secret. Something happened on that mountain. (Read the warnings listed in the author's note inside.)


**A/N: This story contains some gruesome subject matter such as forced insemination and miscarriage. It is not a strictly happy story. Be advised.**

After about three weeks in solitary confinement in the Mount Weather Quarantine Ward, the 100 are let go. None of them are certain what was happening while they were in there and all of them report that they seemed to be asleep most of the time, from what they can tell. Obviously, they find it odd, but none of them are willing to question it, and they trek back to their camp.

Along the way, they find Bellamy and Finn, and Clarke's reaction surprises everyone, including herself. She had spent whatever waking moments she had in quarantine thinking about the decision to close the dropship and ignite the rocket fuel. Yes, she had decided that her people needed her to make the decision she made, but the sheer number of deaths that action put on her shoulders weighed down upon her—Bellamy and Finn most of all. Finding out they survived, that they made it to one of the caves and later witnessed the Mountain Men's sack of their camp lifts a great portion of that weight off her shoulders. At least, that is the explanation she gives after. In reality what happened is that the 100 met with Bellamy and Finn and as soon as Clarke saw them, she fainted.

Chaos reigns after that. Miller, stepping up as the assumed-dead-Bellamy's second, had been positioned right beside Clarke and catches her. The 100 amass themselves around their fallen leader as Bellamy and Finn fight through the crowd to reach Clarke. Miller, cradling a still unconscious Clarke feels extremely uncomfortable and passes her off to Bellamy as soon as Bellamy reaches them—a little after Finn, but Miller's never paid much attention to him.

Bellamy carries her the entire way back to camp. Others—most prominently Finn—offered to carry her at various points in the journey, but Bellamy refused to relinquish his hold on her. Her even breathing is very comforting to him after so long without her or the rest of his people.

The sight that beholds them when they reach their camp shocks all of them, even Bellamy and Finn, who escaped through the tunnel after witnessing the Mountain Men and never went back. The ground, which they'd last seen covered in ash and bone, has been cleared, and a fire is going in the exact place the 100 had always had their communal fire.

Bellamy holds Clarke a little tighter to him as he steps forward tentatively. Then he hears a familiar voice, and watches as his sister comes out of the dropship, followed by Lincoln.

Bellamy brings Clarke into the dropship where Lincoln proceeds to check her over. Bellamy protests initially, but his sister assures him that Lincoln means no harm and is rather skilled as a healer. He reports nothing amiss, and conversely reports her condition to be much better than he would have expected. Bellamy frowns at this, wondering what it could possibly mean. Then, while waiting for Clarke to wake up, Bellamy, Miller, Octavia, and Lincoln proceed to fill each other in on all they've missed being separated as they were.

Octavia informs them that her and Lincoln stayed in his cave for days, hiding out to make sure everything was safe on all sides before venturing out where they immediately went back to camp and found it cleaned up. Neither of them had seen the fire or it's resulting destruction, but Octavia had told Lincoln of the plan and though they were certain it had happened, there was little evidence to support that. Except, of course, for the lack of people. They decided to stay, assuming correctly that everyone did not die in a fiery blast and were out there somewhere. Octavia insists that it's been really peaceful, too, and Lincoln figures the reapers and most of his people were wiped out in the blast.

Clarke wakes up just after Octavia's tale, and the rest of the night is a rehash of what has just been talked about as they all rush to fill her in as well. It takes longer than Clarke expects it needs to, as they all seem to take turns pausing to ask if she's alright. "I'm fine," Clarke always insists, her tone more aggressive each time. She doesn't mention the queasy feeling in her stomach.

In the next few weeks, rebuilding takes place. A new wall is erected with expanded borders, and tents, carefully stored in the dropship before the blast, are once again re-erected. There are a few less then there were previously, and Clarke ends up sharing a tent with Bellamy.

She's grown closer to him lately. He follows her around a lot of the time, and although they sleep in separate areas of the tent, he is always facing her, as if keeping watch over her even in sleep. It makes it rather inconvenient when she starts waking up in the middle of the night to throw up. He catches on real fast and takes her to Lincoln for a consult.

"It's probably the flu, Bellamy," Clarke insists, "it's a common illness, right, Lincoln?"

Lincoln nods, not wanting to get involved in the argument, but he stares at Clarke like he knows, and she wouldn't be surprised if he did. She trained with her mother long enough to know the symptoms of pregnancy. Lincoln's gaze shifts then to Bellamy and Clarke shakes her head. His eyes widen and he knows the truth she's been trying not to even think.

Clarke remains glad no one has outright asked her about her time in Mount Weather. The people willing to share their story are public enough about it that those who remain quiet are overlooked. Clarke doesn't want to tell anyone that she doesn't remember much about her time there. She only remembers waking up sometimes and feeling vaguely uncomfortable. And, thinking back on life on earth, she only recalls getting her period once about a week after landing—she should have had it while on the mountain and she didn't.

As her stomach begins to swell and little doubt is left about her condition, at least to her, she continues to keep silent. Lincoln keeps watch over her and slips her things to aid her pregnancy symptoms and keep her and the baby healthy, but not a word is said. Clarke wonders what the point is. Whose child is she carrying? Why did they do it? She doesn't really want answers, though, she just wants to forget, and sometimes she does.

Bellamy makes her laugh sometimes when they talk over dinner. He also makes her feel safe when he touches her shoulder or grabs her hand and squeezes softly in a surprising gesture of comfort. His eyes are constantly on her and hers follow him around quite often as well. She draws on his strength sometimes, trusting him to lead the camp, believing he knows how they're going to rebuild what they once had and make it better.

She even begins thinking up ways to tell him about the baby. Logically, she knows she can't keep it a secret forever, but she's dreading having to explain it, yet alone deal with the stares and whispers as the news spreads around camp. But Bellamy should know first, and he should know soon, so she thinks of ways to explain.

Everything crashes down around her one night before she has the chance when she wakes up to a strange feeling. At first, she thinks maybe she's wet the bed, but then her eyes widen in horror. Without thinking about the consequences, she shouts for Lincoln.

Bellamy wakes instantly to her scream and grasps tightly to the makeshift knife he always keeps with him. The tent flap is quickly lifted as Lincoln barges in and the firelight aides them all in seeing the pool of blood and other liquid Clarke's lying in.

"I—is it—did I?" Clarke can't seem to get the question out.

Lincoln just nods.

"What happened, Clarke?" Bellamy shouts, concern evident in his voice. When Clarke just sits there trembling, he turns to Lincoln. "Is she gonna be okay?"

Lincoln hesitates before saying, "Physically, she'll recover, but she'll never forget." Lincoln backs out of the tent then, leaving Bellamy alone with Clarke.

Clarke is just sitting there, gasping through tears as she stares at the mess.

"I was going to tell you," she says after a moment, "but I didn't know how to explain. And I really didn't want to think about _how_. So I hid it. But now it's gone and I'm—I'm…I don't even really know."

Perhaps Bellamy's just well-educated, or perhaps he just remembers a lot more than he thought he did from the time his mother was pregnant with Octavia, but it clicks rather easily. "Okay, Clarke. We'll talk about it later. Right now we've got to get you down to the creek and washed up. You can't sleep like this."

Clarke proves easily pliable and Bellamy manages to get her washed up rather efficiently. She cries most of the time and he listens as she speaks, but not all of it makes sense. He's got a good sense, however, and as she sits on a rock in the creek staring desolately into the darkness, Bellamy excuses himself for a moment and throws up behind a tree.

Obviously, the commotion wakes the camp, but Lincoln and Miller succeed at keeping them all away from their leaders as Bellamy deals with the situation. He leads a now wet and shivering Clarke back to his tent where he makes quick work of throwing her ruined bedsheets out of the tent where someone—probably Lincoln, he supposes—will likely burn them.

"Come on, princess," he coaxes her to lie down beside him. She puts up no resistance and crawls right under his furs and curls in on herself. She's silent now, simply breathing, but not steadily, and she's trembling. Bellamy curls himself around her and holds her close, whispering in her ear well into the night, both of them unable to sleep.

He doesn't tell her that it's going to be okay, because it probably isn't. He does, however, tell her that she's not alone, that he's going to be there, and that they'll get through this, that they'll survive. Just like they've survived everything else.


End file.
